my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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