paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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