My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
