Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
