please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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