My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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