Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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