How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
