Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize