Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
