I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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