Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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