Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
