I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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