You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
