I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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