I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
