i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize