You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
