What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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