the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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