I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
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