I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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