Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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