Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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