the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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