my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
