one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize