Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
