It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
