They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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