Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
