my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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