In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
