People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
