3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
