ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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