your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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