did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize