If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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