I've blown a few things in my day
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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