At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize