im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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