i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
