are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize