I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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