I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
