My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize