I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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