3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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