he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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