Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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