wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
