WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
