i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
