she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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