i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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