Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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