Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
