So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
