Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
