I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
