It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
