Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
