So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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