she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
