i permit you to call me
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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