I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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