Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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